Carpe Noctem

Well, hello there, kids. Most of you who visit this blog probably already know me, but for those of you who don’t… hold onto your panties. I couldn’t think of a better way to start off than with a little TMI, so here we go…

I don’t like giving my name out on the internet, which is why most people in this realm of the universe have absolutely no idea what it is.

I also don’t like answering personal notes on the internet. A few bad experiences was all it took to ruin that for me lol. I recommend leaving me a comment if you don’t want to be ignored. It’s nothing personal.

I am a virgin. Don’t let my mouth fool you. (Oh, hot lesbian sex doesn’t count, folks. Sorry.)

I once spent a semester in college going to Starbucks once a week with friends and asking random gentlemen if they liked having their nipples sucked. Only one of them said no LOL. It’s a point of curiosity for me.

I have ovarian cysts. They hurt a lot. You’ll probably hear me speak about them quite often, as a result.

I try to make up for the above by throwing in clitoral tingle and erection-inducing posts just to keep people on their toes.

 I can’t get off unless I know someone else is getting off, too. I have to be giving pleasure in order to receive it. Don’t ask why. Just consider yourself lucky.

 I like panties. A lot. I once lost a pair at my best friend’s house, and to this day, I think she stole them LOL. (Just kidding, Nessa! *Shifty eyes*)

Vibrators do nothing for me. I have 2 that I have laid to rest since failing to enjoy them. Glass dildos, on the other hand, could keep me happy for hours.

And they have.

I have a dirty mouth and an affinity for abrasive language. Shocking, I know.

Thigh highs make my vagina happy. I have several pairs of them, and if I could wear them every day, I would.

I once interned at a vet clinic nearby, where one of the head surgeons took me under his wing. I watched him perform a lot of surgeries, spent many hours talking to him, and wish that his wife would love me so that I could play with them both. God only knows the number of hours I spent thinking about it while he talked LOL. He was yummy.

I met my boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 24. I think it’s safe to say that I have a thing for older men.

…Just not for my honors professor, who made a point of expressing to me that he’s not lost his sexual prowess during the class meeting after he had me stay behind to sit next to me and watch me work a crossword puzzle he gave out, which was in my lap, and which he had no problem pointing to and touching. Not a fan.

The teacher fantasy is still hot.

I have to sneeze. Haha.

I’m a Diet Coke addict. I can not help myself.

I’m a firm believer that the best time to masturbate is right after a long, hot shower. Don’t believe me? Try it some time.

When I went in for a routine pap smear in December of 2006, my doctor, who is a stone cold MILF, spent 2 minutes of it stroking my labia. I haven’t decided if it was illegal or not yet. Either way, I had a good time LOL.

It baffles me that no one ever mentions how much ultrasounds tickle. I would have liked to have known that before I had 3 of them and died laughing on the exam table during each one. Ooops.

Need I mention that I am extremely ticklish?

I have long hair. As in, down to the small of my back long. The one question I’m guaranteed to get the first time I meet someone is, “How long did it take to grow your hair?” It’s annoying as hell LOL.

Aaaaaaaand my nipples just got hard. There goes my thrill of the night LOL.

I’ll pass the TMI torch to you now. Being an intensely curious person, there’s probably very little about you that I wouldn’t somehow be interested in knowing. Surprise me.

I dare you.

<3 Goldy <3